tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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