Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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