Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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