but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
