I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
