11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
