At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
