I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
