plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
