Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
