my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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