The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
