im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My bed smells like the plague
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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