the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
