Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
