I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
