I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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