Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
