I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
