Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
