In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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