I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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