when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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