An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
