apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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