We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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