dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
