if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't deserve a penis
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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