I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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