i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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