he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had sex on a roof
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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