My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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