Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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