Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Just got my second shot
Baller. Weβre going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
