did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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