Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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