Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
