dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
