well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
