arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
