Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
