So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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