Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
