and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
