I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
