You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
