Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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