I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
