i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
