A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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