I will die if light touches me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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