FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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