sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
