I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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