i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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