sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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