I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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