She went from zero to smokin in five shots
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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