he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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