She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
