Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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